Landing

.............I am home.

This post runs the risk of being incoherent. My thoughts are too new to coalesce.

Everything changed for me at Auschwitz.

As Agnes, our guide, told us that, "The hair had value; the Lives had no value," I walked into a room filled to overflowing with protheses ....

"Never- will I forget this night, the first night in the camp, it will remain with me as being the longest night in my life. Never- will I forget the smoke. Never- will I forget the small faces of the children before my eyes, whose bodies rose up like coils of smoke, into the blue heavens. Never- will I forget the flames, that consumed my faith forever. Never- will I forget the silence in the night, that took my lust for life away- for all eternity. Never- will I forget the moment that killed my God, and my soul and my dreams- which took on the face of the depraved. Never- will I forget even if I am sentenced to live as long as God: Never!!“ ~Elie Wiesel

..protheses ....

It has occurred to me that my breakdown happened at the place where we were not allowed to take pictures.

Without thinking my body seized and I bolted from the room...no, I can not look at that. My brain became my shield...like the impulse that grabs my arm when my finger touches the stove.

The image I ran from, however, is the image that I will never forget. I had a picture. No camera needed.

The hair had value, the people did not.

Protheses.

I had my picture.

My brain told my body that I had to leave. I snapped a picture.

My video project had had the effect of separating me from the direct experience.At Auschwitz I was not afforded that luxury. It's ironic because I generally don't take pictures much. On this trip I was constantly looking at our experience through the shield of a camera. Until someone told me I couldn't do that here.

Hair had value...lives did not. A room filled to overflowing with protheses.

That's where I was. That's what I shared with my colleagues and with my guides: Elaine Culbertson, Stephen Feinberg, Margret Atkinson, Armando Banchs, Mary Ann Bolinger, Linda Christensen, Susan Davis, Erin DeHart, Rebecca Elmore, Nick Hart, Brian Hurd, Laron Johnson, Rosa Lamb, Debra Maller-Natoli, Carrie McCarthy, Megan McCuiston, James Messina, Stephanie Murdock, LaVonne Napier, Cassie Nodine, Mitch Polay, Lynn Ringle, Brad Sims, Teresa Starkey, Maribel Villalva, Brian Woodward, and Waclaw Wojciechowski.

Now I am home.